My laptop charger broke in half. It literally split into two pieces. If I hold the part that you stick into the wall, someone else can stand all the way across the room and still be holding the cord. (I’m very good with technical terms, as you can see.) Actually, someone could stand in the hallway outside my room, or on the street, or even in another country and we would both still be holding the same laptop charger. The charger is in two pieces, if you still don’t understand. Two. Pieces.
I saw the charger breaking apart for a while, but didn’t want to admit the inevitability of its demise. I waited until it completely broke in half because that’s what it means to be a responsible adult. I was really dreading buying a new charger. Not only do I not understand how any technology works or even what “watt” means, but also it just seems really unfair that my charger decided to break while in Russia. So, left with no choice, I scurried off to one of the largest malls in Moscow, a conveniently short metro ride from my apartment, figuring that there had to be an apple reseller somewhere inside.
When I phrase it that way, I seem proactive and eager to get things done. In reality, my charger broke the night before, after I essentially summoned my inner sorceress-magic to get it to power my laptop one last time. Then, I drained my battery once again as I watched an indie movie on Netflix, which chronicled the end of a six-year relationship between two relatively attractive young people. It was a downer. That night, I dreamed of dead people who had cupcakes for heads. The next morning, I ate breakfast, and then lay down on my bedroom floor for a couple hours until, finally, it sunk in that I could not do my homework without a functioning computer. So, I stood up. Then, I sat down again at my desk chair. I stared at the wall for a while. After that, I think I may have shed a tear or two. Then, I stood up again and decided the time had come to leave the apartment. I was wearing jeans. Naturally, I changed into a different pair of jeans, but then took them off and put on my original pair again. That was a stupid idea. Why did I think the second pair would be better than what I was already wearing? Why couldn't I be satisified with what I had? I silently scolded myself.
The mall was really big. I decided I was going to find the store without using a map. I didn’t know where the maps were. I walked in through the Moscow atrium. A few minutes later, I had somehow made it to an escalator. I wandered around the second floor. I accidentally went down the same escalator I had just come up. I passed the same security guard twice and felt self-conscious. I took a left and tried to look purposeful about it. A little while later, the signs told me I was in the Paris atrium. Had I walked all the way to Paris, France?
Hark! There it was. The store I was looking for. The rest was a blur. All that matters is that I bought the charger. I don’t know how much it was. It all happened so fast. I walked out of the store, purchase in hand, feeling empowered. I could buy the whole world, if I wanted to! I’m amazing! I just bought a thing that I needed to buy! I stopped and looked at scarves in a store window. “I could buy that scarf,” I thought to myself. Then I remembered that, in order to buy things, I would need money. Okay, so maybe I wouldn’t buy the world today! Another time! That’s fine! I took out my IPod and put it on shuffle. I wanted to live dangerously. “Can’t Take My Eyes Off Of You” from Jersey Boys started playing. I made eye contact with a woman on the escalator. That’s right, stranger, I just bought something. I’m amazing! It’s true! When the song swelled into the chorus, I imagined a flock of handsome men, all wearing tuxedos, serenading me as I danced and twirled through the entire mall in a white ball gown. I bought something! Everyone, I am the most wonderful person to ever live!
I walked past H&M for the second time. I stumbled into the Berlin atrium. Had I walked all the way from Paris, France to Berlin, Germany? Does this mall transcend state borders? I went up an escalator. I turned the corner and accidentally went right back down a different escalator. I saw H&M again. Why did all paths lead to H&M? I tried to get on the elevator but the doors slammed in my face. A song from “High School Musical” started playing on shuffle. Zac Efron, what are you doing in Moscow? I was confused. I was flustered. I was wondering what Zac Efron was up to.
Five hours later, I stumbled out of the mall and made my way home.
Just kidding, it was like an hour.
Or two. Maybe.
Sigh.